#idk what I'm going to do
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updates on shopping for presents for my parents
stocking stuffers: acquired (too many)
chocolate: lots (see above)
gifts for self: 8 (the used bookstore was having a sale)
trucks that scratched my car: 1 :/
real gift ideas: none
human skulls seen: 2???
#not quite zero real ideas but. darn close#idk what I'm going to do#the skulls are way out of budget
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My mother is threatening to put the house up for sale (again) and it's happened so many times that I can't tell if she's actually going through with it or not
#she's wanted to leave my father for over a decade now but it's nearly 2025 and that hasn't materialized in any way#which i get bc the economy is rough and living here is only getting more expensive#my brother doesn't make enough to provide a stable income and I'm struggling to find a job i can actually do#staying with my father is the only way we've been managing to stay stable#and i also get why she wants to leave him#they don't work well together#even when they're getting along there's just something off#and lately my mother's been having a midlife crisis so she feels like she's running out of time to finally be free#i just hate the uncertainty#i have no clue whether she's actually serious this time or if she's making me stressed over nothing#it was a miracle we were even able to get this house#it was during the pandemic so my parents got a good deal on it#but now it's another thing keeping them from splitting up and now i have to live in the tension#ideally i would've wanted to live on my own by now but that's not in the cards for me rn#I'd be lying if i said i couldn't relate to feeling stuck and feeling the time melt away#idk#idk what I'm going to do
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Let the poor man rest.
#also no he doesn't want to experience life as a normal person. no he wouldn't sacrifice his powers to live again.#he LOVED being powerful. he was very proud of his powers. he was at the top of the world. what he disliked was being so lonely at the top.#which having reunited with Geto now he is not.#and he wanted to keep the next generation safe due to his past regrets and teach a generation of kids to be at the top together.#and he wanted to get rid of the corrupt higher-ups and reform the Jujutsu society.#and he did all of that. Yuta and Yuuji are both alive and safe and the kids are all reunited with each other stronger than ever#and the higher-ups are d**d.#Gojo obviously wouldn't hate to keep living. he clearly didn't expect to lose and die. but as he himself confirmed#he died doing what he loved. he went out the way he wanted. he went out with a bang. he had the best fight of his life and gave it his all.#as he said 'he had fun'. he said it would have been embarrassing if he died of old age or sickness.#and now that he's gone he's happy with his friends and especially Geto. he found peace.#He said it himself 'Now i'm wishing that it's not just a dream'.#also for those of you who say that Geto & Gojo wouldn't be together because one would go to hell and one to heaven... no. just no.#first of all. Gojo did a mass m*r*** before his death#second of all. they're Buddhists. they don't have heaven and hell. don't bring Abrahamic religions into everything.#and you'd be surprised by the excuses the Abrahamic religions find to not let people in heaven.#probably Gojo wouldn't go to heaven even if he didn't kill the higher-ups due to...idk... occasionaly doing pranks or sth.#but Gege apparently created a whole other afterlife of his own. and Toji Geto Gojo Nanami and everyone were all gathered there together.#you SAW that. so stop.#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#gojo satoru#satoru gojo#jjk gojo#gege akutami#my two cents#satosugu
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dumb doodles
merry christmas, people
#ace attorney#gyakuten saiban#narumitsu#miles edgeworth#phoenix wright#maya fey#naruhodou ryuuichi#mitsurugi reiji#ayasato mayoi#wrightworth#i hate christmas. i'm like edgeworth but without the trauma#i did not put any effort into this#i've been very uninspired lately#you can see me progressively losing my mind in this drawings#btw#i graduated#it's baker-chan-SENSEI now bitches#but now i need a real job#i'm just. idk what to do now. i'm. empty#art#digital art#aa#sketch dump#edit. i tried adding descriptions cos i made it my goal for the new year to go back and add descriptions to my posts#i suck at it and english is not my first language but i TRIED OK??
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Maybe it's time for another social media break.
#blithering nonsense#IDK what I'm going to do#or when I'll be back#I'll still be in contact with my friends and that's all I really want rn#I'm not in a good headspace#everything is too much
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I just lost my job btw :)
#brb killing myself#i mean i saw it coming he fired all of us because the store is going to close#but he's not closing it til February so i guess he's working it himself til then#real nice to be fired right before the holidays#so I'm trying to file for unemployment but i can't get the website to work :))))))))))))))))))#idk what I'm going to do#I've already been actively looking for a job but like it's not like I'm hearing back from anyone 🤦🏼🤦🏼🤦🏼#idk what to do maybe like an OF or something even if i just get like $5/mo from it i guess it's better than nothing#if i wasn't literally sick with fucking covid I'd be drowning all my problems at the bar rn#nope instead i get to sit here and be sober and have to think about it#i can't even get high idk what's going on with my plug and i don't know anyone else that can sell to me nearby#my friend in Cleveland but I'm not driving half an hour sick as a dog#y'all I'm just done#my boss was a giant asshole anyway but i liked my job and i liked my customers#I'm just so#idk idk what to do y'all
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so I finally got around to reading bram stoker's dracula (1897)
#my art#dracula#bram stoker's dracula#jonathan harker#harkula#I'm sorry for the sketch dump#I was going to finish this and then several weeks passed lmao#but I felt it was a waste to not at least share the progress#idk what I'm doing anymore#point and laugh this artist keeps drawing suggestive things but is too shy to post them
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thinking about not only the specific people lucanis pulls in to represent the 'locks' in his psyche, but the storytelling that happens in the structure/order of them. the underlying ideas are presented something like:
the lucanis who went into the ossuary never came back out again; he died down there (the boy caterina raised is gone forever) -> you're putting yourself in danger doing this (by being close to me), you should leave because I can't bear it if you get hurt because of me -> it doesn't matter even if we do try this, it won't work anyway (again because of me) ('you know what he's like, you can open the door but he won't walk through it' :'( oofie doofie) -> what if the real secret is that there was never anything but the monster in here from the beginning. you should leave, there was never anything here worth saving in the first place. (implicitly: what if I deserved what happened, all along.)
it runs pretty cleanly from outward-oriented attachment anxiety ('caterina won't even want me back like this, she won't recognize me (the same way I no longer recognize myself)) and gradually deeper inwards until we reach self-image and self worth. or you know, the harrowing basic lack of it lol.
"careful -- they'll know we're not right," spite says in one of their first scenes... but clearly, some very deep part of lucanis has feared or suspected for much longer than that that there's something inherently not right at the core of him, way before any demon entered the picture. and the voice he gives those lines to is the person who should know him better than anyone in the world, who he has loved more than anyone in the world -- and who deliberately chose to hurt him so horrifically anyway. 'It's better if I'm just a monster and deserved what happened than it is to allow for the idea that the brother I love doesn't really exist and maybe never did'. it's better if he's fundamentally flawed in some way that needed fixing to help him survive, and that's why caterina chose to hurt him again and again -- out of love. (this one I think he might have a very sad wakeup call on one day if he ever ends up with the responsibility and care of a child of his own in some way and realizes just how alien the idea of ever intentionally hurting them for any reason is to him. oh buddy. also interesting that he keeps caterina as the outermost lock -- there IS a distance he keeps there that he hasn't with illario. he doesn't resent her 'anymore' he says, but he also keeps her carefully further away from his deepest self.)
as far as I could tell the only note in the mind prison that's fully hidden and needs to be uncovered is the sad painful helpless stupid little truth that even after all this, even knowing what happened... he still loves his brother. is there anything illario could ever do that would make lucanis completely stop loving him, do you think? sometimes the trouble with unconditional love is that it is, well. unconditional, even when some terms and conditions probably would have been in order haha.
that's the pattern you see there again and again; he would rather destroy and abandon and imprison himself at every turn than let go of love, even when it's just scraps, even when there's only ever enough of it to hurt him. it's only when rook shows up and as it were takes his hand and walks along with him that he can entertain the idea of changing the story of what walking out the door might mean in the end.
#tl;dr the demon is a metaphor about dissociation and trauma and it's doing its job thematically fucking pitch perfectly that way the end#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#dragon age meta#this mission is like ds9 the wire in terms of episodes you really can examine from a thousand different angles#and find something new and soulcrushingly sad every time. exactly my kind of episode in other words#whenever people say there's nothing to him but coffee and spite jokes some small part of me goes 'oh I'm so incredibly sorry!#it must be really hard and so impractical to go through life without being able to read :'( get better soon'#is that very nice of me. perhaps not. is the writing here *perfect*? of course not. but some people are also dedicated to being#wilfully blind (presumably b/c they would have preferred to see something else?? idk man)#lucanis' reaction to taash going 'I'm sorry I'm such a bad crow :'('... he could NEVER do what caterina did with him no matter what#you just can't use him like that. he needs the clean family/enemy/contract distinction or you just break him!!!#caterina literally what are you thinking. every day I ask myself this. (probably 'the only other option that keeps the seat in the family#is illario. so that's right out of course' lmao)#god forbid it happen anytime soon if it should happen b/c there's Stuff that needs working through first lol but he'd be such a soft dad
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never say never I guess
had a sudden "I want to draw them"
Lyrics from "The Last Goodbye" by Billy Boyd
also a warm up that led to this, wanted to try drawing them again and somehow got inspired a bit
#fanart#my art#sketch#comic#isat siffrin#isat fanart#isat#in stars and time#act 6 spoilers#I just straight up took picture from Act 6 what did you expect#this was supposed to be just a silly-sad sketch#because I'm feeling silly-sad about isat#think whatever you want#did they just decide to go their own way? did they die or something?#who knows#I love this song so much so I cried a bit while drawing#idk makes me emotional#I HIGHLY recommend listening to it#also reading hobbit and lotr too because books are great (movies are great on a technical level)#anyway I guess I can't leave isat that easily#although I kind of not in anymore and all#too overwhelmed#artists on tumblr#siffrin#I just noticed that I drew Siffrin with same face expression as in “You love them” thing pff well they do love their friends after all!#so it fits
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listen. people have always debated which character is the most normal guy but what if it has in fact been crowley the whole time. no string pulling no master plan just a guy who wants to keep his school running and is cursed with problematic students and incidents
honestly I think the funniest possible reveal would be one of two options:
ONE: Crowley has no plot relevance whatsoever. he wears the mask to cover his receding hairline. his darkest secret is the bottle of "medicinal" whiskey under his desk. this man can barely plan a PTA function with six months' advance notice, he doesn't have the time or patience for any kind of overarching master plot involving mutating students or whatever. the only thing wrong with him is that he's been running this school for (mumblemumble) years and, quite frankly, if you'd been putting up with NRC students for a couple of centuries, you'd have totally checked out by this point too.
OR
TWO: Crowley IS actually Raverne and HAS been slowly enacting a master gambit...to embezzle school funds. the overblots are still completely incidental. he has somehow less idea of what's going on than we do. we confront him about it and he's just like
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#just sorta the general episode 7 tags there#this meme has surely been done with crowley before but i felt like i needed to#honestly the 'everyone actually just has blot radiation poisoning from the chandelier' was my serious theory for a while#and i'm still like...well...i dunno...#we're at the point where i almost think it would be funnier if they never actually explain what's up with crowley#a buttress falls on him during the final battle and we simply never find out#except no i do actually need to know. i've had too long to stew over it. i need answers!!!!#my current baseless speculation is that it's raverne's body but they just like...stuffed a bird brain in there or something idk#look the longer they make me wait the more bonkers my theories are going to become#'crowley has no connection to raverne and we're all just reading way too much into it' would be kind of an incredible non-twist though#yana sitting there like oh shit. oh no. my masterful reference to that's so raven has been taken wildly out of context.
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yuri month day 15: please don't forget me ♡
(femslashfeb prompt list)
#minifemslashfeb2025#AND NONE FOR GRETCHEN WIENERS. BYE!!!#this is onesided gretchen/regina but lowkey i think cady/regina also works#they're both just chasing after the safety of her spotlight#and her girl drama#mean girls broadway#mean girls musical#regina george#cady heron#gretchen wieners#listen I know there's a newer version but I have not seen it#this is based on the 2017 version I just love gretchen's fit#me when the show is called mean girls: why are they so mean#genuinely i get so distraught like WHY did they do that to gretchen#and she has a whole song about her toxic codependent homoerotic relationship with regina too!!!!!! girl is going through it#idk man a lot of sapphics in high school just had that one girl#hey anyone wanna be emotional over the line:#'mama called me beautiful. don't believe her anymore'#i'm obsessed with what they did with gretchen as a character. and I will be drawing her holding hands with karen at some point#justice for gretchen wieners
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sometimes spite is a powerful motivator and today its motivating me to crochet
long story short I saw a cool bag on pinterest while I was looking for crochet patterns but there was no fucking pattern but one of my friends found a pattern for a similar but not quite bag so I watched an hour long video, transcribed it into text, and am now gonna make a wholeass backpack just because Sunflower Vibe
Wish me luck I guess
Also this is the bag
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#anis crochet journey#ani rambles#out of queue#do i have enough green yarn for this? no idea#if i need more I'll go buy more it'll be a nice excuse to get myself a cute planner for garden planning anyways#'ani dont you carry a purse around everywhere what would you carry in this extra bag' idk yet but its CUTE I will FIND A REASON#also if anyone asks yes I'm willing to share the transcription if someone wants it#like literally if someone reblogs or replies to this post 'plz transcription' i will post a link to the google doc in an INSTANT#i spent like 2 hours on that transcription I want it to be APPRECIATED (by more than just me)
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tranny freak :)
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#Negativity#Transphobia#I don't know what to tell you buddy I'm not sure what your goal is here#I am genuinely so much happier like this#Figuring out that I'm a tranny freak has been the absolute best thing ever#All the loved ones who I've come out to have been so welcoming and supportive#I get to experiment with my appearance like I haven't done since my punk days in highschool#And I've always been a weirdo so freak isn't even hurtful that's been a point of pride for decades#What made you want to hurt a stranger buddy#What are you going through#Are you gonna read this and scoff cause I took a troll sincerely#Why are you so afraid of genuine connection#Why are you scared of people#Are you happy with your life right now#Do you like yourself#How much time do you spend doing this#Do you think the negativity might be getting to you#How much time do you spend feeling repulsed scornful and annoyed towards others that you gotta do something about it#I'm really sorry#I used to be a similar kinda angry and that shit taints everything#Idk man I just hope you can see the joy in things someday#There's so much cool and exciting stuff you can find when you start looking for happiness and good intentions#Kinda sad that you're missing out
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kitamoto does make me so emotional. natsume says some embarrassingly earnest shit that reveals how undersocialized he is and kitamoto's reaction is to spend more time with him and introduce him to friendship. when someone who appears to be a girl his age tells him she's never read a book before, he's like oh okay, and then the next day he gives her a book with easy-to-read stories in a genre she said sounded interesting. he not only doesn't judge people but he also actively meets them where they're at...i love this sweet teenager so much i could cry.
#he's like huh. what a weirdo. i'm going to respect the shit out of them#he and nishimura taught natsume how to ride a bike. remember that? because i do.#natsume is like will i ever be able to tell him about the youkai? and idk if he means youkai in general or specifically kaeda#but either way. kitamoto would be the absolute chillest person to tell. he's so accepting. even if he thought it was natsume's delusions#he would just like. be so fucking supportive ah goddammit i'm gonna cry again#natsume's book of friends#natsume yuujinchou#kitamoto atsushi#my posts#f
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A compilation of my favorite bits from tonight <3
#idk what i'm going to do when this is over#even cowgirls get the blues#i love them so much#dimension 20#fantasy high#d20#fantasy high junior year#fhjy#dnd#dimension20#kristen applebees#fabian seacaster#fig faeth#riz gukgak#gorgug thistlespring#adaine abernant
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DP x DC Prompt
…
There are no more heroes.
Well, okay. Rewind a bit.
Danny has been doing the hero thing for a while now. He’s had a big reveal; everyone has accepted him (including his parents), the GIW disbanded, the Anti-Ecto acts repealed, and generally, everything is going great. Some of the A-Listers are even training as junior ghost hunters to help give him a break from his rogues! (Being Ghost King makes things hectic sometimes, and he just needs the extra help. Sue him!)
The point is, literally nothing is wrong with Danny Phantom’s afterlife.
And then Valerie Gray, the Red Huntress, disappears in front of his eyes.
Danny is baffled! She’s just…gone! Valerie just popped out of existence, like she was never there. But no matter how hard he searches in the Ghost Zone, he can’t find her soul anywhere. His core isn't broken in grief. So she’s not dead. Which is good. So then, where is she?
Some of the others come forward with ideas on how to find her. A few ghosts volunteer to go out into the mortal realm, an area Danny had declared off-limits, to see if she was out there. Danny approves it. He rounds up some of the friendlier (i.e., discreet) ghosts and Amity Parkers and demolishes the outside travel ban.
So everyone spreads out, looking for their dear frenemy and teammate. But it becomes apparent very quickly that something is wrong with the rest of the world.
There are no more heroes.
Every single living superhero on the face of the Earth has just…vanished. Villains are running amok; the countries are in chaos! Some aliens are invading Earth, mythical deities are trying to take over, and society is crumbling to the ground. Everything is on the brink of collapse.
Well, Danny was still there. And so were his people. They were pretty spread out, so could they just…take up the mantles? He also knew where to find the souls of dead heroes in the Zone; surely they wouldn't mind coming out of retirement for a little bit, especially if they couldn't die again. Oh! And that skeleton army leftover from Pariah Dark's reign might be useful in repelling those invading forces.
Honestly, there were more than enough hands to go around! And with the heroes gone, Danny didn't mind letting everyone out for a little break, as long as they followed his rules. They wouldn't stop the search for the other heroes, but hopefully, when they found them, the heroes wouldn't mind Danny's intervention too much. :)
In other words:
Someone fucks up, and all of Earth's living heroes are either wished out of existence or are whisked away to some far-off realm where Danny hasn't checked yet. In the attempt to figure out what's going on, Danny lets the dead run amok over the Earth as they search for clues. The skeleton army repels the invading armies, the souls of dead heroes deal with the world leaders, and his rogues and other Amity Parkers set up shop in place of famous heroes, trying to get the cities under control again.
Basically, they just do their best to keep everything from imploding until the Justice League and others are back.
(And why is it that Danny hasn't disappeared? Well, whatever caused everyone to go poof! only affected living heroes. Anyone heroes that were dead in the first place, or even just half-dead, stayed behind.)
#pondhead blurbs#danny phantom#dpxdc#reveal gone right au#ghost king au#for plot reasons#it doesn't count if the hero had died and then came back to life#lots of heroes would still be around then#but this is me pushing the halfa!jason todd narrative work with me here he deserves the fun#deadman is there too#and he's just thriving honestly. it's so nice to be around his own kind even if the world is ending#maybe ellie is whooshed away too cause she never technically died but she took up danny's moniker when he was crowned#vlad is ecstatic cause danny put him in charge of several states while they looked for clues including Wisconsin#skulker is replacing superman and just has a shitty S painted on his chest and just eats kryptonite like candy the first time he meets Lex#Kitty and Johnny take over in gotham and sam is now the new wonder woman#idk man just stupid stuff like this#the press is flabbergasted cause the fucking KING OF GHOSTS just showed up and he's 14 and just looking for some friends#Danny: hey guys sorry about the zombies and fire i'm just here to find my coworker and lil sister and maybe the other heroes#Danny: in the meantime i'll just let my army into the mortal realm to defend it while we figure out what's going on pls don't yell at us :)#the press: how do we explain this to the justice league when they come back. how do we explain that earth was saved by a 14 year old boy-#also idk which heroes are technically dead but are still kicking so if you feel like someone deserves liminal status slap it on them idc#some villains are trying for world dominance and some are just trying to find their buddies. their fight buds. where'd they go? :(#joker gets bitch slapped by a skeleton two days in and waylon becomes bffs with wulf#danny uses the watchtower as a base of operations and it's the only thing he doesn't want to give up when the heroes are back#i have no plot ideas beyond this#i just want everyone to be baffled that an army of the dead showed up while they were gone and just made sure everything stayed cool#later danny realizes he was technically the ruler of the world for a bit since his people were everywhere keeping the villains in check
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